I am a person with a strong desire for position. In performing my duty, I often expressed corruptions of this aspect, and I was often disciplined by God because of seeking after position. Every time my ugly self was exposed, I bitterly hated it and wanted to have it transformed from the bottom of my heart. Moreover, I made a resolution before God: From now on, I will not seek after position anymore but live only for satisfying God. Thus, I thought I had been somewhat transformed in this aspect.

One day, the small-district leader conveyed the new light to us church leaders. I found one church leader absent from the meeting, but I didn’t take it to heart at that time. During the meeting break, the small-district leader told us that she had already had a meeting with her assistant and XX (the church leader absent). On hearing her words, I felt uneasy and pondered in my heart, “Why was XX allowed to have the meeting with the assistant? Are they going to train her to be an assistant? She is only a green hand and has no experience; how can she be trained?” The more I thought, the more I couldn’t accept it: In which aspect is she better than me? Why do they not train me? At that moment, I realized that I had been obsessed again with the desire for position. I immediately relied on God to forsake my incorrect intent. Nevertheless, I felt a little passive inside. I thought, “How come I am still seeking after position? God has disciplined me for many times, the leader has also criticized me for times, and I myself have made a resolution to forsake it, but how come I have again relapsed into my old corrupt nature? It seems that I can never be transformed and I am unworthy of being saved.” At that moment, although I clearly knew my thought was wrong, I was unable to have it corrected. Having no way out, I told my state to others. Then, the leader fellowshipped with me about God’s intention and found me these words of God: “Do not be overanxious for quick results in pursuing life. Life does not grow up in one or two days. …especially with the people in the country of the great red dragon whose qualities are poor. God has to speak and work for a long time. Therefore, do not expect to see swift results.” “No matter whether you transgress involuntarily or your disobedient innate nature comes out, remember: Wake up right after it! Strive to make progress. No matter what situation occurs, just strive to make progress. The work that God does is to save man and he will not casually strike down those whom he wants to save.” God’s words consoled me greatly. I understood that since I was born in the country of the great red dragon and I was of poor quality and most deeply corrupted by satan, it is impossible for me to not express corruptions or to be completely transformed within a short time. As long as I forsake the incorrect intents whenever they emerge, do not act according to my corrupt nature, and do my utmost to make progress, I will surely be saved by God. If now I give up practicing the truth, this indeed means that I will be completely hopeless. Whether my nature can be transformed does not depend on the expressions of my corruptions, but on whether I can forsake my flesh and practice the truth to satisfy God when I express corruptions. However, I was always overanxious for quick results and always wanted to be transformed in a short time. When I saw no transformation in me, I became passive. I really have no knowledge of how deeply I have been corrupted. Having thought of these, I felt enlightened. I was grateful that God had revealed his intention to me in time and led me out of the passive state.

Xia Yu

Dandong City, Liaoning Province