In November 2003, I came to stay in a host home. The couple of the host home were new believers and they had followed Almighty God for just half a year. From my talk with them, I discovered that the sister not only had her thoughts in the Age of the Grace of God’s work, but she also looked up to her former leader very much. Moreover, she didn’t even mention anything about God’s new work. Although the brother was a little better, he still had some notions about the word of God. In the face of these difficulties, I somewhat flinched, thinking, “How can I concentrate on the work in such a circumstance?” At that time, I didn’t understand God’s considerate intention; on the contrary, I had some complaints in my heart. I merely maintained my relationships with them cautiously, for fear that I would cause them to stumble if I was not careful enough.

In the following several days, the sister either watched TV or did housework; she did not have any interest in the word of God. I fellowshipped with her but did not achieve any result. No matter how I tried, I just had no way to communicate with her. I felt very awkward at this matter. I thought that I would just bury myself in performing my duty and leave them alone…. But I felt accused whenever I thought that they were also brother and sister in God’s family, though they hadn’t been fully certain about God’s new work. So, that evening I nerved myself again to suggest our having a meeting and reading God’s word together. But unexpectedly, the sister said, “In fact, I haven’t been fully certain about the gospel. I believe there is God, but who knows whether this gospel is true or false since I’ve never seen God? It is said that God’s work will end at the end of this year, so I’ll just follow and see….” On hearing her words, I felt anxious and said, “No matter whether it is true or false, don’t take a wait-and-see attitude, but pray and seek, and cooperate actively and see whether there is the working of the Holy Spirit….” But before I could finish my words, the sister became unhappy and said, “Who takes a wait-and-see attitude? If I did so, I wouldn’t have received you….” At that moment, I felt it was very difficult for us to communicate with each other. I thought, “How come it is so hard to lead the new believers? They can’t be watered in a hurry or too slowly. If in a hurry, they may be offended and stumble; if too slowly, the growth of their life may be held up….” The sister had many notions and I didn’t know how to solve them at that moment. So I silently prayed to God in my heart, beseeching the Holy Spirit to inspire them and help them to be certain about God’s work soon.

Then, a gust of moving flickered across my mind: Hasn’t God been leading each of us step by step until today by expending painstaking care and thoughts? For the first time, I felt the great difficulties God meets while doing his work, the painstaking care God has expended for mankind, Christ’s love, patience, perseverance, and power of endurance…. All this deeply shook my heart. Then I carefully recalled how I was like before: Many times I thought God’s words a bit stern and then I became passive and misunderstood God’s intention. God wished I could grow mature soon, so he placed higher demands on me. However, I thought that God was making things difficult for me, so I was not willing to pursue to make progress but waited passively, causing God to be grieved and worried. God worried about my life and arranged the circumstances for me to know myself, hoping that I would wake up and no longer satisfy my flesh. But I often misunderstood God’s exposure of me and became too passive and weak to stand up. God often consoles man because of man’s weaknesses, but I thus tolerated myself, became contented with myself, and stopped making progress, causing God to worry too much about me…. I have actually walked every step forward at the price of the painstaking care God expended. If in a hurry, he was afraid that I might fall down, but if too slowly, he was afraid I might fall behind. So how could I have the qualification to look down on the new believers and complain about the difficulties to lead them? Being moved, I opened the book of God’s word, and carefully pondered the voice from God’s heart: “How difficult the footsteps of God’s working on earth are! For man’s weaknesses, for man’s deficiencies, for man’s immaturity, for man’s ignorance, and for man’s everything, God has been making well-conceived plans and has been considering all of them thoughtfully. Everyone is like a ‘paper tiger’ that no one dares to offend or provoke. Touched gently, he will make a false countercharge or stumble and go astray. It seems that if God were not careful enough, man would relapse or ignore God…. Although God’s words are sincere and earnest and involve no bad intentions, who is willing to accept them? Who is willing to completely become subject? This has badly broken God’s heart. He is taking care of people day and night, feeling concern for their life and bearing and sympathizing with their weaknesses as well. In doing every step of the work or speaking every word, he experiences so many setbacks, being in a continual dilemma and considering day and night: man’s weaknesses, man’s disobedience, man’s immaturity, and man’s fragility … thus tossing and turning. Who has ever known? To whom can he pour out his heart? Who can understand? …”

At the moment, I understood God’s considerate intention: God wants me to, with my heart, understand and feel before the facts his love for man and everything he has expended for man. If God did not do so, I could never genuinely love God with my heart, and I could never genuinely come before him. God is moving my numb and hardened heart with his love and his Spirit, and even more, with his love he is doing his utmost to arouse and revive my spirit. Not until that very moment did I understand the real meaning of God’s words: “For man’s weaknesses, man’s deficiencies, man’s immaturity, man’s ignorance, and man’s everything, God has been making well-conceived plans, and he has been considering all of them thoughtfully.” Before the love of God, even the heart of stone would be melted. I shed tears, for the love of God, for the sufferings that Christ has undergone, and even more, for the patience and perseverance of Christ and her being broad-minded toward mankind…. O God! I will take these as my motivating force and pursue to be one who cares for your burden and who genuinely loves you.

Xu Zhiwei

Qingzhou City, Shandong Province