Over these several years of following God, I had always been cold one minute and hot the next, unable to maintain a normal relationship with God. If someone fellowshipped with me, my state would turn a little better; if not, it would regress and I seemed to have nothing to do with God. As time went on, I was even reluctant to pray and always felt that prayer was unnecessary. Occasionally I learned to sing the hymns and read God’s word for a while; sometimes I didn’t have any spiritual devotions even for a week. Gradually, my relationship with God became more and more abnormal. I considered my personal matters whenever I was free. I always liked to come into contact with the unbelievers, and always sought ease and comfort. Seeing that others were rich and had their houses well furnished, I envied them. I thought about these things all day and had no burden for my life entering.

Sometimes I felt very worried about my spiritual situation. I wanted to get up but had no strength, to love God but failed. I also felt rebuked in my heart: Will I continue to be passive like this? Will God’s many years of painstaking care and effort on me be in vain? Is there nothing worthy of my recalling between God and me? Just like that, I thought a lot but couldn’t find a way out.

Once, I opened the book of God’s word and chanced upon these words: “If your spiritual living is abnormal, you won’t be able to discern the work that God is doing now, always feeling that it doesn’t conform to your notions in the slightest. Though you are willing to follow, you lack the enthusiasm inside.” “Listen to all the words that the Holy Spirit teaches. Do not listen without keeping anything. Many times you forgot my words right after hearing them. Careless man! How many blessings you have lost! Now, listen to my words carefully and attentively. Fellowship with me and draw near to me much. I will teach you what you do not understand, and will lead you forward. Do not pay attention to fellowshipping much with man. Now, there are so many people communicating words, sentences, and doctrines….” I was grateful that God’s words helped me find out the cause of my malady and showed me the way to practice. Now I knew that God’s intention was to let me cooperate with him actively and positively, look for paths to practice in his word, and seek him and not simply rely on the fellowship of man.

From then on, I began to practice according to God’s requirements. I made a requirement for myself: Every day I must learn a hymn, read God’s word for half an hour, and pray three times. In the first two to three days, I didn’t gain anything. I learned the hymn but couldn’t sing it in tune. I felt bored with reading the word of God. I was always disturbed in my spirit by external matters and could not have a quiet heart. So, I got worried: If things continue like this, how long will it take to restore my normal relationship with God? At the moment, these words of God rang in my ears: “Perhaps during this period of time, you are not slack in your spiritual living, but still have not received many things and have not gained much. In just such a situation, you have to keep at it even if it is to observe a regulation. In order for your life to suffer no loss and in order to satisfy God’s desire, you must keep this regulation.” After reading God’s words, I regained confidence. Through prayer, I kept practicing in this way for a week. Gradually, I achieved some results, and I began to have a burden for my life entering. Afterward, I kept doing so every day, and little by little, I came out of the passive state at last. Although sometimes I still had some incorrect thoughts in my heart, I could forsake them through learning hymns, praying, and reading the word of God.

Thanks be to God! Without the guidance of God’s words, I don’t know how bad my state would become. Maybe I would have long since left God and returned to the dazzling world. Without the inspiration of God’s words, I would never have known that my passive state was caused because I lost my spiritual living and did not have God’s word as my support, and even less would I have realized that spiritual living is so important. Not until now have I truly experienced that God’s word is precisely a specific medicine and is a guide to my life. May God’s word accompany me all the time and never leave me.

Huang Rong

Chongqing Municipality