“If God arranges for you a like-minded person in your courting age and you two are kindhearted and love each other, what a blessing. …” Whenever I read these words, I hoped that some day I could have a happy marriage, a tender and virtuous wife, and a warm little family. My desire was especially strong when I recently read these words in the man’s fellowship: “If an unmarried person courts another unmarried person, this is legitimate courtship and the church should not interfere in it. But he must keep the principle of not disturbing the church life. If he brings any bad influence upon the church life, he should be dealt with and pruned. As to how he courts another person in his personal life, the church should not interfere in it.” After reading these words, I could not calm down for a long time. I felt that God was really considerate of man’s “weakness” and that I could get married later. Then I went off into wild flights of fancy. For a long period of time, I had been living in such a state.

Before long, in The Replies to the Questions From the Churches in Various Places (6), I read these words: “Outwardly, we have given up our marriages for the sake of God, not looking for a partner in marriage or seeking after enjoyment. But at heart we pay special attention to these things and still look forward to these things. We always hope that some day we can also have a happy family as others do and have a good partner in marriage so that we can not only have somebody to take care of us, but we can also perform some duty in God’s family. It is rather danger if we let these thoughts be there unsolved. Once there is an appropriate circumstance and ripe time, these things will cause us to forsake God and depart from God…. Besides, we should clearly see that we have been deeply corrupted by satan and none of us have humanity, and that our nature has not yet been transformed, so anytime we are likely to lose control of our brutish nature and forsake God. Even if we find a brother (or a sister) to marry now, we will not be happy. This is because when one has the working of the Holy Spirit, he looks very good and quite pleasing to the eye, but once he loses the working of the Holy Spirit, he will show his true color as without any little humanity. Therefore, we will not be happy even if we marry one who believes in God. … It is of quite profound significance that today we give up our marriages and consecrate our whole life for God. It is only that we cannot understand this thoroughly. But we must believe one thing: Whatever God requires us to do is for saving us and for us to have a pleasant destination. … Although it is not a sin to legitimately look for a partner in marriage, we shall not take advantage of this….” And then I read these words of God: “You have to suffer for the sake of the truth…. Don’t discard the truth for the sake of the enjoyment of family harmony. Don’t lose your lifelong dignity and integrity for the sake of temporary enjoyment. You ought to pursue every beautiful and good thing and a more meaningful path of human life. Aren’t you idling away your life by living in such a vulgar way and without any goal to pursue? What can you gain? You ought to give up all your fleshly enjoyments for the sake of one truth. You should not discard the truths for the sake of a little bit of enjoyment. Such a person has no integrity and dignity, and it is meaningless for him to live!” After reading these words, I was suddenly enlightened: To get married and start a career, to bear and raise children, and to have a happy marriage—this is the life I yearn for. Isn’t it totally a depraved and vulgar life? I not only do not make effort to cooperate with God’s work or to know the lowliness of my pursuit, but on the contrary, I seek “loopholes” in the word of God, dreaming of building a happy family. Isn’t such a pursuit of mine running counter to God’s intention? Am I not rebelling against God and acting against Heaven? At the same time, I also understood this: For me to give up my marriage today for the sake of God is completely something righteous something right and proper, and also something that I should do. If I really got married, I would possibly be ruined by my marriage. I can’t follow in the footsteps of the failures. O God, thank you for your inspiration and guidance to me. If you had not done such a work on me, I would still be fast asleep in the “pleasant dream” woven by myself, and I do not know when I would wake up. O God, I do not want to live so vulgarly anymore. From now on, I am willing to consecrate myself to you, pursue the beautiful and good things, pursue the meaningful path of life, and leave nothing to regret in my life.

Xiaolin

Hengshui City, Hebei Province