It had been more than a year since I left my home to perform duty in God’s family. Although I was performing my duty away from home, I always had my husband and children in my heart. I clearly knew that was wrong, but I was unwilling to forsake my flesh and often enjoyed thinking of them. I thought, “Compared with the brothers and sisters who have not left their homes to perform duty, I have some seniority in God’s family. After all, I have left my family and given up my career and have gone through various trials for such a long time. So I shall be given credit for hard work if not for good work. Simply in view of the price I have paid, God will not go so far as to discard me.”

One day, a church leader and I went to a sister’s home. The sister’s mother said to us, “People like you who have left home to perform duty have more chances to be perfected. We who perform duty at home have fewer chances.” “Mother, you shall not think like that,” said the sister immediately. “If those who have left their homes don’t try best to perform their duties, but are concerned about their husbands and children all day and do not pursue the truth or the transformation of their natures, they will not be made perfect. For what God wants is man’s heart, not man’s body.” Her few words seemed to be aimed at me, which badly cut me to the heart and made me very distressed.

On my way back to the host home, all kinds of feelings welled up in my heart, and I would have liked to find a place to have a good cry. After I was back at the host home, I bowed down before God in pain: “O God! The sister did not know me before she met me today, but her words directly touched my sore spot and I felt very distressed. There must be your good purpose in this matter, but I don’t understand your intention. May you inspire me.” After the prayer, I opened the book of God’s word, and I read these words, “Whether or not you can be saved does not depend on how senior you are, or depend on how many years you have worked, even less depend on how many qualifications you have, but depends on whether or not your pursuit has actually yielded fruit. … What could it mean even if you have led a vagrant life for many years? Where is your testimony? Your heart of fearing God is far less than your heart of adoring yourself and indulging your lust. Isn’t such a person a scum? How could you serve as a specimen or a model of salvation? Your innate nature is difficult to change, and your disobedience is too much; you are irredeemable! Isn’t such a person exactly one to be eliminated? Will the time my work ends not be the exact time when your last day comes?” Before the stern judgment of God, I trembled with deep fear. I thought that I would be saved by God since I had left my family and given up my career and had been performing my duty laboriously. Moreover, I took that as something to be proud of, thinking that I should be given credit for hard work if not for good work and in view of that God would not go so far as to discard me. So I willfully indulged in thinking of my family. Now inspired by God’s words, I have realized that that was nothing but my own imagination, because those whom God saves are the ones who pursue the truth and the transformation of their natures and give their whole heart to God. Although I am in the presence of God, my heart has always been in deep love for my husband and children and it has become a place of amusement for satan and has no place for God at all. Thus, regardless of how much I have given up, how much I have expended myself, and how much I have suffered outwardly, I have not gained any transformation inside. How could God bring me into his kingdom who am extremely filthy and have no place for God in heart? What awaits me in the end will only be the righteous punishment of God. At the moment, I suddenly saw the light, and I could not help bowing down before God once again: “O God, thank you for saving me. You cannot bear to leave me falling away, so you have carefully arranged the circumstances to wake me up. Not until now have I known that all of my previous thoughts are my own notions and my imaginary standard of being saved. Today, it is you who are doing the work to save man, and you have principles and standards in saving man. You will never allow any filthy person to enter into your kingdom, and you will not reward but punish anyone whose nature has not been transformed. O God! I am willing to drop my notions and imaginations, and measure myself and give myself requirements according to the standard of the truth. I will drop my love for my husband and children, give my heart to you completely, and do my utmost to pursue the truth and the transformation of my nature, so as to be made perfect and gained by you.”

Yi li

Donggang City, Liaoning Province