A few days ago, God’s family changed my work. When handing over the work, I thought: I will take the last opportunity to have one more meeting with the brothers and sisters and give them a good fellowship to leave a nice impression on them. So I had a meeting with the deacons. At the end of the meeting, I said, “I am assigned to another job. I hope you will coordinate well with the new leader with one heart and one mind.” When the sisters heard these words, the smiles on their faces disappeared right away; someone took my hand, and someone wept on my shoulder, saying, “You wouldn’t go; you wouldn’t leave us unattended.” Especially the sister of the host family, she was even more reluctant to part with me. She said to me, “How good if you could stay! You not only can bear hardships but also give us helpful fellowship, and you always help us with patience. Who will care for us after you leave?” Seeing that the brothers and sisters were so reluctant to say goodbye to me, I felt satisfaction and enjoyment in my heart. I consoled them, “Depend on God much. I will come to see you if I have time.”

Afterward, whenever I thought back to the scene of my parting with the brothers and sisters, my heart felt disquieted: Is such behavior of the brothers and sisters normal? Why did they say that they could not do without me? Why has God’s family assigned me to a different job? My mind was clouded with these questions, so I often sought before God. One day, in “The Issues of the Principles People Must Understand in Serving God” in The Manual of the Principles for the Church Work, I read these words: “A person who serves God must exalt God and testify about God in everything. Only by doing so can he lead people to know God, and only by exalting God and testifying about God can he lead people into God’s presence. This is one of the principles of serving God. What God will ultimately achieve in his work is to cause man to come before him through knowing his work. If a leader does not exalt God or testify about God but shows off himself in every aspect, … then he is acting contrary to God’s work. …his work has become a work to vie with God for people. … Therefore, if one does not exalt God and testify about God in his service, then he is definitely showing off himself. Even if he holds the banner of serving God, he is working for the sake of his own position and the enjoyment for his own flesh, and he is by no means working for exalting God and testifying about God. If anyone violates this principle of serving, it is proof that he is one who resists God.” As I was reading, I became more and more uneasy and afraid, feeling sharply rebuked in my heart. From the brothers’ and sisters’ attitudes toward me, I saw that by doing the work I had brought the brothers and sisters not before God’s presence but before my presence. At the moment, I had to examine every scene of my being together with the brothers and sisters before: I often said to the sister of the host family, “It is so wonderful that your whole family believe in God. When I was at home, my husband persecuted me every day; he either beat me or swore at me. No one knows how many hardships I have suffered for the sake of believing in God and performing duty in God’s family.” When the brothers and sisters encountered difficulties, I did not fellowship about God’s intention or testify about God’s work and God’s love, but cared for their flesh in every respect, so that they felt I was considerate toward them. When seeing that the brothers and sisters did things against principles, I did not point out their errors and help them but always maintained my fleshly relationships with them for fear that I might offend them. Whatever I did, I paid most attention to my place and image in others’ hearts…. All my actions and behavior caused the brothers and sisters to sympathize with me and look up to me, so that they behaved that way when I left them. This was enough to prove that their hearts have been occupied by me. However, I even regarded it as enjoyment. Was I not vying with God for people? Was I not acting in opposition to God? At the moment, I could not help remembering these words of God, “Today even when I am working among you, you can be like this. If one day no one takes charge of you, won’t you all become mountain bandits? When you create monstrous troubles at that time, who will clean up the mess?” God’s words made me see once again the serious consequence of serving God but exalting and testifying about myself, and see that because of my archangelic innate nature, I was about to become a mountain bandit and create monstrous troubles. Although I served God, I did not exalt God and testify about God by the principle so as to fulfill my duty. Instead, I always showed off and testified about myself, and have led all the brothers and sisters into my presence. Without God’s tolerance and mercy, I would have long since been cursed and struck down by God.

At that moment, I was trembling with terror. Fear, shame, and indebtedness welled up in my heart. I fell with my face to the ground and prayed to God in bitter tears: “O God! If you hadn’t exposed and inspired me, I do not know how seriously I would still resist you. Thank you for saving me. I have seen the vileness and ugliness in the depths of my soul and seen that I am actually a person who serves you but resists you. According to my actions and deeds, I only deserve to be cursed by you. However, you have not treated me according to my transgressions but have still inspired me, guided me, and given me the chance to mend my ways. O God! I will take this experience as my lifetime warning. May your chastisement and judgment accompany me always, so that I can cast off my old satanic nature soon and become one who serves you genuinely and devoutly so as to make up for my indebtedness.”

Ding Ning

Heze City, Shandong Province