“You should know whether you have a genuine faith, whether you have true faithfulness, whether you have a record of suffering for God….” Whenever I read these words of God, I felt them to be inconceivable: Soon after I accepted this stage of God’s work, I left my family and husband and children to perform my duty in God’s family and I have endured all kinds of sufferings. Do I still have no record of suffering in the eyes of God?

One day, during my spiritual devotions, I read these words of God: “Of the sufferings people undergo, almost more than ninety-nine percent are despised by God. To put it unreservedly, there is no one who truly suffers for God, but all suffer from their own actions. …it is that people drink as they have brewed.” Reading God’s words, I could not help asking myself: Could it be that the sufferings I have undergone won’t be commended by God? Perplexed, I came before God to pray and seek: “O God! I always feel that I have undergone a great many sufferings over these years of following you, but you say that almost all the sufferings we have undergone are despised by you. I know your words are absolutely true and expose the substance of our innate natures, but I do not know myself, even less understand the meaning of your words. May you inspire and guide me.” After the prayer, I pondered over the words of God. Meanwhile, I called to mind the “sufferings” I had undergone over the years I followed God: Although I have left my home, I have not put my whole heart into performing my duty. Many times I was tormented because of having lost my harmonious little family and being unable to have a family reunion. Many times, because of having no true faith in God, I was afraid that my flesh would have no way out and so I racked my brains for my future and destiny. Many times when I achieved some results in the work but did not receive others’ commendation, I became disappointed; when failing to achieve good results in the work, I was distressed for fear of losing my position and face. Many times when what God did was contrary to my notions, I guarded against God and misunderstood God because of not understanding the truth and not knowing God…. The more I thought, the more I was enlightened and the more I felt ashamed of myself. Isn’t it, as God says, that I have never suffered for God? When have I ever suffered or paid a price for satisfying God’s heart’s desire? Did I not always suffer because I lost my fleshly enjoyment and my extravagant desires had not been satisfied? Weren’t my sufferings the consequences of living in the fooling of satan and the troubles I made for myself? Did I not suffer because I was unwilling to practice the truth? I suffered and paid a price not for the truth but for my flesh. How could such sufferings be commended by God? I did not know what sufferings God commends but always thought that I had already had a record of suffering for God. How shameless I was!

O God, thanks for your inspiration and guidance. I have realized that I have never truly suffered for you and still have no record of suffering for you. From now on, I will try to know myself more deeply, do my utmost to pursue the truth and the transformation of my nature, and truly become one who is willing to suffer and pay a price for the truth, so that you can set your mind at rest about me and be satisfied with me.

Zhu Pingxin

Weifang City, Shandong Province