Because of the needs of the work, I was transferred to a new place to perform duty. At that time, there were many evangelization clues in that place, but the result of the gospel work was not good. Two months later, the work picked up, but not much. I became somewhat passive in the face of various difficulties. One day, the leader phoned me and asked about the result of the gospel work. After my reply, he said that I had no burden for the work and the result of the work was improving too slowly. He also said that in the place where XX was in charge, such-and-such a number of people had been brought to Almighty God…. After I hung up I couldn’t help grumbling, “There are so many problems here; I did not complain about this messy work but have been running and laboring for it every day. Yet you criticized me for having no burden. Why don’t you see how many difficulties I have here? I think it is pretty good to have achieved the present result, but you want me to compete with someone else….” The more I thought, the more I felt the work was too difficult and the more I felt wronged. At the moment, I realized that I had fallen into a wrong state. So I came before God to seek and pray, hoping that I could come out of the passive state by the word of God.

Guided by God, I remembered these words of God: “In Peter’s life, if he failed to satisfy God’s heart’s desire in anything, he would feel uneasy, and if he failed to satisfy God’s heart’s desire, he would feel remorse and then find a proper way and strive to satisfy God’s heart. In the small matters in his life, he required himself to satisfy God’s heart’s desire. He never overlooked his old nature but always strictly required himself to enter further into the truth.” God’s words released my heart. I came to this understanding: Peter could serve God to his heart’s desire because in his life, he pursued to satisfy God’s heart’s desire in everything. If he failed to satisfy God’s heart’s desire even in a small thing, he would feel remorseful and uneasy and then find a proper way and strive to satisfy God’s heart. He was made perfect by God because he pursued to be transformed; he never overlooked his old nature but strictly required himself to enter further into the truth. He was successful because all of his intents and practices were most pleasing to God’s heart. But I acted differently in the circumstances that God arranged for me: When in the face of difficulties, I became passive and weak and did not t seek God’s intention, and even less did I ponder what to do to satisfy God. When the leader pointed out to me that I had no burden for the work, I did not agree and contradicted him in my heart, crying out about my “grievances.” I wanted to succeed as Peter did, but I was not willing to suffer what Peter had suffered and take the path Peter had taken. I looked forward to being made perfect by God, but I did not try to enter further into the truth. I desired to be commended by God, but I did not require myself to satisfy God in everything. I wanted to attain the transformation of my nature, but I did not pursue knowing myself or seek to resolve my difficulties and remove the hindrances to my life entering. When no good result was achieved in my work, I did not feel uneasy. When I failed to meet God’s requirements, I did not feel remorseful, but on the contrary, I excused and justified myself and was content to stand still; I even felt distressed because the “sufferings” I underwent were not understood by others, and felt vexed because my work was not approved by others. Since I gave in to myself like this, how could I do the work well? Since I did not strive to make progress, how could I satisfy God?

Examining myself against Peter, I felt inferior and ashamed of myself. At the moment, I could not help bowing down before God and opened my heart to him: “O Almighty God! Thank you for exposing me so that I have known my greatest difficulty in pursuing the truth—being unwilling to suffer and pay a price to satisfy you. Thank you for the inspiration of your words, which has showed me the way to go forward. From now on, I will imitate Peter and strictly require myself to satisfy your heart’s desire in everything. I will break through the hindrances to my life entering and pursue entering further into the truth, so as to be made perfect and gained by you.

Wen Wen

Jinan City, Shandong Province