When I first served as a church leader, I always desired that the brothers and sisters would be satisfied and agree with everything I did, so that I could be a “good leader” for long. Thus, I always set my mind on the fleshly interests of the brothers and sisters and maintained my relationship with them by my own goodness.

Once, when the small-district leader came to have a meeting with the deacons of our church, I hurriedly said: “These several deacons all have vegetable greenhouses and are very busy with that every day, so we have to see whether they have time to attend the meeting.” Then the small-district leader patiently fellowshipped with me: “It is not after God’s heart for you to take charge of the work in this way; if you go on like this, the brothers and sisters will suffer loss in their life….” But I disagreed with her and thought that I had made quite a good arrangement.

After I worked “hard” in that way for some time, the brothers and sisters not only became slack, but they also had a lot of critical views of me. They said that I did not do the work efficiently or arrange the matters of the church properly, and was unable to show them the ways to practice through fellowship, and so on. At this, I felt greatly wronged and complained inwardly, “I always showed understanding for your difficulties and cared for you, but you…” I felt I got “no thanks” for my “good intentions,” and thus became dispirited and passive. When I was inextricably bogged down in such a state, God’s words enlightened me: “If you do not have a normal relationship with God, regardless of how you try to maintain your relationship with people, however hard you try and however much effort you make, it is man’s philosophy of life. You are maintaining your position among people according to man’s viewpoint and man’s philosophy so as to win their compliments, instead of building a normal relationship with people according to the word of God. If you do not attach importance to your relationship with people but maintain a normal relationship with God, being willing to give your heart to God and learning to obey God, you will naturally have a normal relationship with all people.” The inspiration of God’s words gave me this knowledge: Actually, I have always been maintaining my relationship with the brothers and sisters according to my philosophy of life, attempting to win their compliments and support so as to keep my position. How can such intent of mine not be loathed by God? Losing my normal relationship with God, how can my relationship with others be normal? How can the brothers and sisters have no complaints and criticisms about me? God gave me the commission in order for me to care for his burden and lead the brothers and sisters before him and into the reality of his word. However, I always set my mind on the fleshly interests of the brothers and sisters and do not consider their life at all. By doing so, am I not frustrating God’s work and pushing the brothers and sisters into the pit of hell? Having seen clearly my mean intent and the serious consequences it brought, I couldn’t help feeling a rush of fear. I bowed down before God and prayed to him: “O God! I am willing to change my wrong intent and cooperate with you to lead the brothers and sisters into the reality of experiencing your word. I will no longer focus on maintaining my fleshly relationship with others; I am only willing to care for your burden to satisfy your heart.”

Wang Nan

Heze City, Shandong Province