Whenever I see in the mirror the scar on my lip, I feel gnawingly distressed, because this is a mark of shame from my resisting God. And it is this scar that has given me a little knowledge of God’s majestic and wrathful nature which tolerates no offense.

In September 2001, God uplifted me to perform the duty as a small-district assistant. Several times I gave some suggestions to the small-district leader in the work, but she accepted none of them. So, I thought that she had no respect for me, and I began to have prejudices against her and did not want to coordinate with her harmoniously anymore.

Once, she asked me to go to XX’s home to prepare it for a church-leaders’ meeting, and I said right away: “The home is not safe for meeting. Some of those purged from the church know that place.” She said: “Let’s go for a look and then decide it.” When we arrived there, we got to know that XX’s mother has just died. So I got something against her. I seized the opportunity to spread my prejudices against her before the brothers and sisters, saying that she couldn’t do things efficiently but only make troubles and that she was too arrogant and self-right to accept my suggestions and so on. At the time, the Holy Spirit rebuked me inside: “You are hindering the work behind her back!” But I ignored it and kept on venting my hatred for her. Even during the meeting, I was still angry with her, “You are a capable person, aren’t you? I will not coordinate with you in this fellowship; you may try your every means to show off!” So I sat there, silent. The small-district leader perceived my wrong state and passed me the book of God’s word asking me to read to the brothers and sisters. But I refused to read with an excuse: “I have a sore throat and cannot read.” Just in this way, I was in a sulk the whole day; and I did not take in any word of what was fellowshipped that day. When evening came, I could no longer sit still, thinking, “I have no patience to listen to your long-winded talk; I will just go home.” And I thought, “It’s better to take someone else as companion to leave with me.” So, I said to one of the church leaders: “If you have to go home tonight, you may go now.” But she said: “I’m not going home. If I go home, my husband won’t allow me to come out tomorrow; besides, what is being fellowshipped today is very important, and I want to listen more this evening. If I miss it, the church will suffer loss.” I said no more, and I got up and left. But I had never thought that after I got less than a hundred meters away from that home, my bicycle ran over a piece of brick with a bang, and I fell headfirst to the ground. Immediately, blood streamed from my cheek. Covering the face with my hand, I hurried to the hospital. On the way, God’s words struck my heart time and again: “You resist and disobey me and transgress willfully, so won’t you be one who will be punished severely?” “As a person who serves God, each of you should safeguard the interests of the church in everything and not consider your personal interests. You shouldn’t act independently: you counteract his efforts and he counteracts your efforts. Those who can do so simply don’t deserve to serve God! The nature of such people is too bad; they do not have the slightest humanity, and they are sheer satans! They are beasts!” I realized that what happened to me today is the befalling of God’s righteous nature upon me. I felt weak in my legs and was trembling all over with fear and pain. Thinking back to my behavior, I felt I really had no humanity and I was a sheer satan, a beast! God gave me this commission in order that I would care for his intention and coordinate harmoniously with the sister, so that the church would be built up and the brothers and sisters would get benefits. But for the sake of my face and position, I even had done the evil things of spreading prejudices, disturbing and hindering the work. How could I not disgust God and be loathed by God? How could I not provoke God’s fury? Today, this discipline came upon me, and it was the result from my own actions and the punishment I deserved. At the moment, I was overcome with regret and could not help praying to God: “O God! I will draw a lesson from this experience and coordinate harmoniously with the sister, and I will never disturb and frustrate and hinder the work again. If I do not act according to my resolution, may your punishment and curse never leave me!”

In the hospital, the doctor put four stitches in my upper lip and bandaged it together with my skinned right cheek. After that, I went back to the meeting place directly. When the brothers and sisters saw me, they all were stunned, “How come you have become like this in a short while?” At the moment, my self-reproach, guilt, indebtedness, and remorse mingled together; in tears, I made a clean breast of my disobedient doings and how I had been disciplined by God….

Although it has been more than two years since this matter, the stigma is still imprinted in my face and engraved in my heart. It reminds me of this all the time: While coordinating with the brothers and sisters to serve, do act according to God’s requirements and never disturb, frustrate, or hinder the work.

Jingxing

Xinyang City, Henan Province