One day in the summer of 1998, when I was preaching the gospel in a place, a sister found me and told me that something had happened to my family and I needed to go home at once. When I arrived home, I got to know that my twelve-year-old daughter was drowned. This was like a bolt from the blue to me. I was so grief-stricken that I lost control of myself: “God! Why? Why has so great a misfortune happened to me?” I was completely broken down and was full of complaints against God: “God! Such a misfortune even hasn’t come to those who resist you. I have been performing my duty away from home all the time, but you have treated me in this way; how can I continue to believe in you?” The more I thought, the more distressed I felt and the more passive I became. During that period of time, I had been misunderstanding and complaining against God, and was in an agony of mourning for my daughter.

However, God’s love never left me. One day, I read these words of God: “The surrounding circumstances, people, matters, and things all emerge with the permission of the throne.” My heart calmed down a little, and then I remembered these words of God: “When you are undergoing trials, no matter whether you are weak or become negative within, and no matter whether you do not understand God’s intention or are not very clear about the ways to practice, it is normal. But in any case you should have faith in God’s work and should be like Job and not deny God. Although Job was weak and cursed the day he was born, he did not deny that all the things a man had from his birth were bestowed by Jehovah and taken away by Jehovah. No matter how he was tried, he held such a belief.” Inspired by the words of God, I felt much enlightened: Job was a righteous man and God had taken away all that he had, but he did not have any complaints, because he knew that Jehovah had given and Jehovah had taken away. He knew that all things he owned came from God, so he could allow God to control him as God wished, and could uphold testimony for God when satan made a wager before God. Isn’t what happened to me today allowed by God? How can I fathom the good purpose of God? When God asked Abraham to offer Isaac, Abraham was willing to obey; when Peter was asked to be crucified to sacrifice himself for God, Peter did not ask why…. Aren’t all these saints of past generations my examples? But, when the trial came upon me today, I lost my faith in God and cast a lot of complaints against God, and I even wanted to leave God. Compared with them, I really do not deserve to live. Actually, isn’t the life and death of my daughter in God’s hand? Is it something that I can control? To be bestowed or to be deprived of, doesn’t it depend upon God? Although I cannot fathom what God does, it is definitely right, because God is essentially righteous. As a created being, I ought to completely submit to God’s manipulation and arrangement. Although now I cannot fully understand God’s intention, I will uphold testimony for God and will no longer be passive or complain against God. Having thought of these, I did not feel so distressed anymore, as if a heavy load had been taken off my mind all at once.

O Almighty God! I am grateful that you have drawn me back from the verge of danger and that your word has given me faith and strength. You have kept me so that I can stand firm in this trial. Whatever trials may come upon me in the future, I will act according to your word, uphold testimony for you, and follow you to the end.

Fenqi

Rizhao City, Shandong Province