After I had followed God for several years and gone through some trials, I thought that my life nature had been much transformed, but when God put me in trial once again, I still got confused and did not know how to enter into the reality of God’s word; my life was still so immature, and my stature so poor. However, the inspiration and guidance of God revived my numb spirit and hardened heart. The righteous judgment of God shamed me into silence, changed my vindication and justification into complete submission, turned my suffering into sweetness, and cleared away my grievance that had been bottled up for one year.

Once at a co-workers’ meeting, the brother in charge of the work criticized me: “You are too slick!” This unexpected word like a head-on blow put me into a daze and cut me to the heart. I thought to myself, “You say I am slick; can you tell me how I acted slickly? I never refuse to do what you ask me to do; I have a burden for the work and do it seriously. I never thought that you would put such a shameful label on me. Am I really such a person in your eyes? Man’s slickness and craftiness mentioned in God’s word refers to man’s innate nature; it means that even if one thinks himself very honest, he is still far from God’s standard. I admit that I may behave slickly in some aspects as are exposed by God, but I don’t belong to that kind of people. I never cheat others in my contact with them; nor dare I treat the work from above slightly….” Just like that, I was searching many things to justify my honesty, thus proving that I was not a slick person.

That matter had distressed me a whole year, and I held that the leading brother had prejudices against me. Later, a leading sister fellowshipped at a meeting: “If you do not try your best to expend for God in the work but always spare effort in performing your duty—all the people around you think you can achieve better results and get a good lead in the work but instead of achieving that you always perform your duty in parallel with others in the work result, this is acting in a slick way….” The sister’s words touched my tender spot. I had to fall down before God and open my heart to him: “O God! I am willing to come before you to accept your righteous judgment, because only you can enable me to know myself and see my corrupt innate nature. When others say I am slick and spare effort in the work, why am I so distressed and cut to the heart? Am I really such a person? I am too numb to realize it. May you inspire me.”

Thanks for God’s guidance, I read these words of God: “Although you have offered something to me, that is not your all….” Facing God’s words, I examined myself and found that over the years, I had very little excellent achievements in God’s commissions to me. And I hardly had any best sacrifices offered to God. Compared with many co-workers, my quality and work ability are not inferior to theirs, but many times, the results of my work were worse than theirs. Even though there was occasionally a better result, I made it only after I had been exposed and seen my “bad end”—to be dismissed and sent home. Sometimes, when seeing that a new co-worker outdid me, I worked harder to save my face; when seeing others did the work not as well as I did, I slacked off in my heart and even wanted to have a good rest after a short meeting…. Is all this not enough to prove that I treat God’s commission slothfully and slickly? Have I been performing my duty as a created being? Do I worry what God worries and think what God thinks? Have I exerted all my effort and done my best for God’s work? God says: “If you all can, according to your conscience, expend your everything for my sake, exert all your effort for my work, and dedicate your lifetime energies for my gospel work, won’t my heart often leap for joy because of you?” Faced with God’s words of judgment and exhortation, I felt deeply guilty and ashamed. God’s family has been training me for so many years, and God has paid dearly on saving me, but I saved strength in God’s commission to me. Am I not a slick person without conscience? I am grateful that God’s wonderful work has exposed me and enabled me to gain a little real knowledge of my true self. O God! I am willing to make a new start and exert all my effort to satisfy your heart in the rest of my life.

Xiaosi

Huaibei City, Anhui Province