I performed my duty in an article-revising team, and after the work hours I had plenty of time to eat and drink God’s word, learn to sing hymns, and answer the questions in The Truth-Entering Course for Enjoying God’s Word at Meetings. After a period of time, however, I was becoming restless because I thought that I had finished answering all the questions and read every piece of God’s word several times. Just like this, when eating and drinking the word of God, I could not keep a quiet heart and received no inspiration and enlightenment, and I even felt dry and dull. I realized that I was already in an abnormal state and with such an attitude to God’s word I could not receive inspiration from the Holy Spirit, but I did not know what the problem was. I had no choice but to bring my state before God to seek by praying: “O Almighty God, my state is in your sight. I know that my attitude toward your word disgusts you and it is the expression of my arrogant innate nature, but I can neither know the root of my problem nor come out of this state. May you have mercy on me, inspire and guide me, so that I can know myself and have my state corrected.”

Later, in The Summary of Christ’s Preachings and Conversations, I read these words of God: “…paying attention to seeking the truth and seeking God’s meaning in God’s word, and sensing God’s intention in everything. This is the most essential and most crucial way of practice. Peter practiced in just this way after meeting Jesus. And only by practicing so can the best results be achieved. … In reading God’s word, Peter did not pay attention to understanding doctrines, and even less did he pay attention to gaining theological knowledge. Rather, he paid attention to understanding the truth and sensing God’s intention, so that he could know God’s nature and God’s loveliness. At the same time, in God’s word, he knew man’s various corrupt states, man’s corrupt innate nature, and man’s real deficiencies, so as to meet God’s requirements for man in every respect to satisfy God. He had so many accurate practices in God’s word, and this was most after God’s heart and was the best cooperation of man in experiencing God’s work.” Inspired by God’s words, I came to know the secret of Peter’s success: In reading God’s word, he did not pay attention to understanding doctrines, and even less to gaining theological knowledge. Rather, he paid attention to pursuing the truth and pursuing to know God and himself. His cooperation in experiencing God’s work was most accordant to God’s heart’s desire, so he succeeded and was commended by God. From the practice of Peter, I found out where my problem was and realized my deviations and errors: I did not thirst for God’s word simply because I only tried to equip myself with letters, doctrines, or theoretical knowledge. I felt dull in eating and drinking God’s word simply because I did not try to understand the truth and sense God’s intention in his word, and even less to know the work of God, the loveliness of God, and the substance of my own corruptions, so as to have my nature transformed to satisfy God’s heart and fulfill my duty as a created being. Today, God does the work among us suffering all kinds of humiliations and bestows the truth, the way, and the life on me so that I may receive his salvation. If I do not pay attention to seeking and gaining the truth in God’s word but feel content with doctrinal knowledge, then I will walk a way contrary to the salvation work God does, God’s work will fail to achieve results in me, and my pursuit will be futile. For the more I equip myself with letters and doctrines, the more I will become arrogant by nature, and the more seriously I will resist God. In the end, I will only bring destruction to myself. At that moment, I saw that I was too arrogant to have any sense and that my satanic nature of disliking the truth really disgusted God. At the same time, I was very grateful to God for having gained the way to practice. I could not help falling down before God and praying to him: “O God, I thank you and praise you. You have mercy on me so that I can come out of my wrong state; you take no notice of my disobedience and corruption but always supply me according to my deficiencies. From now on, I am willing to imitate Peter, and eat and drink your word with a heart of hungering and thirsting for righteousness. I will no longer be content with doctrinal understandings, but pursue the truth and the life, and pursue to know you and know myself in your word, so as to have my nature transformed soon to satisfy your heart’s desire.”

Lu Wen

Ji’nan City, Shandong Province