Since I was a little child, I had believed in Jesus together with my parents. During the Great Cultural Revolution, I saw that many “great men” who believed in God were put in prison yet I was safe and sound, so I felt that God loved me so much, and that it was probably because I was the “apple of God’s eye” that no one on earth dared to touch me. Therefore, I looked on myself as “God’s favored one” and became proud and supercilious. I remember that in 1978, Wang X, a leader of the Three-Self sect, and several county leaders came to Baoji City to deal with us house churches. When Wang X said that we must believe in God according to the constitution, I was furious and argued with him, saying, “If we believe in God in this way, are we faithful to the constitution or to God? …” Thereafter, my name spread over the entire Old Local Church. I seemed to have become the hero of the brothers and sisters, and they all looked up to me very much. If they had a meeting without me in attendance, they would feel very disappointed. Some people even drove to listen to my preaching and applaud it. That even more made me forget who I was. I boasted that I had never tumbled on the path of belief in God and thought that I had been gained by God. But I had never expected that when God came the second time and called me to return to him, I rejected, resisted, and paid no attention to his calling, and treated everything with contempt and from a high position. It was not until in April 2001 that I fell down before Almighty God.

In 1997 when I first heard the message that “the Lord has returned,” I neither gave it any importance nor sought it. Instead, I thought that it was “sheer nonsense” and a “heretical fallacy.”

In the spring of that year, I heard more rumors about “Eastern Lightning” at a co-worker meeting. They said, “‘Eastern Lightning’ says that the Lord has returned. That’s not possible at all. Its members are evil, aggressive, cruel, and furtive in movement. It spreads very rapidly and is going to sweep across the entire ‘Christian World’ like a storm. Even many of those who have a firm foundation have been deceived, so we cannot take it lightly. …” As for these indefensible and absurd rumors, I not only did not doubt them, but believed them to be absolutely true. At that time, I thought haughtily, “God regards me as a ‘treasure.’ No matter how cruel and sinister the people of ‘Eastern Lightning’ are, they dare not touch me. These are nothing to me.” But at the same time, I thought belligerently, “‘Eastern Lightning,’ if you are really capable, come to preach to me face to face. I’m not afraid. Come to me directly if you have the guts. You’ll see how I score you off and make you leave ashamed.” After I went back, I repeated all these rumors to the brothers and sisters.

In the winter of 1998, two brothers from Henan Province came to one of our meetings, yet I did not take any notice of them. Several days later, Brother Qi of our church said to me in secret, “Those two Henan people stayed at my home for five to six days, and finally they told me that the Lord had returned and done a new work. I didn’t agree with them, so I drove them away angrily.” I nodded my head approvingly and said smilingly, “Well done! These ‘heresy’ preachers should be driven away mercilessly.”

One week later, when we went to another church, we saw those two Henan people again. I was very angry, thinking, “You are really too bold! You even dare to run around in our churches to deceive people. You little ones, before you came here, you did not even ask about the history of our church. (It was established by the Englishman J. Hudson Taylor in person, and it has a history of about 100 years.) Just by a few tricks of yours, you even want to steal my ‘sheep’! ...” Although there were over one hundred people present, none of their acts and moves escaped my eyes. After everyone sat down, I suddenly pointed my finger at them and said loudly, “Look at those two men. They are ‘heresy’ preachers. Brothers and sisters, drive them away!” Thus, before they found time to preach the new work, they were forced away by me.

Over ten days later, I heard that Brother Peter Zhang of our church had accepted God’s new work. So I went with several co-workers to deal with him. Seeing Peter Zhang, we surrounded him. I first said to him sarcastically, “You have believed in God for so many years, why do you follow the heresy? You are even called ‘Peter’? Do you deserve it? Did Peter have so poor a foundation? Is your foundation built on the sand or the rock? You followed them right away when they deceived you. Don’t you feel ashamed? I advise you to change your name soon. Turn back now.” The other co-workers also joined me in rebuking him. Brother Zhang didn’t say anything, but only smiled and then left.

In October 1998, when I preached in Gong County, Henan Province, a sister said to me, “Someone gave me a book. Can you help me discern it?” The moment I set my eyes on the name of the book, all sorts of rumors about “Eastern Lightning” welled up in my mind: “Gouge out eyeballs, hack off arms…” I immediately threw the book to her and said angrily, “Throw it away right now. Don’t keep it.” Later, I also had someone throw God’s own utterance into fire.

One month later, I came into contact with the brothers and sisters of the Stream of Recovery. They gave me a Recovery Version of the Bible, the Life-studies, and some other books. In the Old Local Church, I had only superficially studied some expositions of Witness Lee. Having got all his messages this time, I really felt that I had got a priceless treasure. However, most of our co-workers opposed the Stream of Recovery openly. After a number of heated arguments, I joined the Stream of Recovery resolutely with several co-workers of our church. After I systematically read the messages of Witness Lee, I felt that I had really found God’s family and stepped onto the path that God had predestined for me. I thought, “On the path of belief in God, my pursuit has reached its zenith. There is no need for me to go forward to seek anymore. After so many years of hard work, I have finally been gained by God. Ay! It is only that God hasn’t come now; otherwise, I would have long since been taken by the Lord who comes on the white clouds to his side.”

God’s new work was in full swing. Yet I, as a created being, firmly believed that my pursuit had reached its zenith. I was completely in a haughty and supercilious state, so much so that I had been a real headache to the brothers and sisters who prepared to preach God’s new work to me. They worried that I would be so arrogant as to lose my sense and thus blaspheme and resist God more seriously, so they didn’t have a substantive contact with me. However, I thought that was because they “became terror-stricken” at my renown.