I believe that every brother and sister in the Lord is expecting the Lord’s coming and is expecting the Lord to take us to heaven as soon as possible and bring us into the glorious and beautiful home. Just like you all, I also expected that all along. I remember that as early as March 1999, I had heard that there were a group of people of “Eastern Lightning” preaching that the Lord had already returned, yet our leader said that that band of people had believed wrongly and were cultists and antichrists…. He didn’t allow us to get in touch with them lest we be deceived. So I, as an instructor of the Great Praise Church, actively cooperated with the leader and spread what I had been told wherever I went. I stayed alert at all times and kept worrying that the brothers and sisters would be deceived by them.

One day in July 1999, several people of our village came to preach God’s end-time gospel to me. They told me that the Lord had already returned to do the work of judging and chastising people and reuniting all denominations into one. As soon as I heard it, I shouted to them, “I won’t listen! Our leader has told us that God hasn’t returned yet! Besides, you don’t even know how to read the easiest words, and you even come to preach to me? I teach the Bible every day. Don’t I know more than you? If God does come back, he will surely let me know first. Is it necessary for you to tell me? Go away right now! I won’t listen!” As I said that, I drove them out. Right at that night, I went to the church and told the brothers and sisters about how I had driven away those who preached the end-time gospel. I also told them to keep a sharp lookout and not permit the people of “Eastern Lightning” to snatch a “sheep” from us!

In October of the same year, my leader sent me to a region to go around visiting the churches. Once, I met several strangers in a host family. They said, “Do you know? God has returned and done a new work….” Before they had finished their words, I retorted immediately, “You are of ‘Eastern Lightning.’ You are preaching a false way. It’s a deceitful dirty trick!” Then I said to the host family, “We can’t listen to them. Drive them away!” Later, I announced in the church seriously, “From now on, without my permission, no one is allowed to get in touch with the people of ‘Eastern Lightning.’ Whoever disobeys will be expelled without exception!” So, I made that rule wherever I went so as to close the churches to outsiders.

In May 2000, six or seven members of a church accepted “Eastern Lightning.” After I learned it, I immediately went to disturb them with a co-worker. I said to them, “That band of people of ‘Lightning’ use various means and tricks to deceive people. You are fooled! You are small in stature and know little about the Bible, so you don’t have much discernment either. But as long as you admit that you have done wrong and try hard to do good deeds to atone for your sins, you can come back. Never ever get in touch with them again….” Then, the co-worker who came with me continued, “The people of ‘Lightning’ are extremely brutal. It’s said that once you believe in their way, they will take you out and force you to do whatever they tell you to do. If you don’t obey, they will gouge out your eyes, cut off your ears, break your legs, or use a knife to force you to commit adultery….” At these words, they turned pale with fear and all stated that they would never get in touch with the people of “Lightning” again. To further insure that the brothers and sisters wouldn’t get in touch with “Eastern Lightning,” I spent all my time going to the churches in various places and was so busy that I didn’t even have time to eat or sleep. Sometimes, I even prayed all night long to curse the people of “Lightning.” Every time I went around the churches, I would exaggeratedly tell the brothers and sisters the rumors that I had heard about “Lightning” so that they could be kept away from “Eastern Lightning.”

Because of the “price” I had paid, my leader thought more highly of me. But without knowing why, the churches’ condition was getting worse and worse. The co-workers formed cliques, raised envy and strife, and scrambled for power and profit among themselves. The lectern had become an emplacement, and the Bible had become a weapon to attack each other. Whoever occupied the lectern had the opportunity to attack others, and even the prayer had become a way to dig at or fight against each other. The previous vigor of the churches had been completely lost, and even the love among the brothers and sisters had disappeared. The number of the people attending the meetings kept on dropping, and the meeting which originally had an attendance of sixty or seventy people had only four or five left. What puzzled me more was that Brother Fu in our church, 42 years old, who had been zealous in expending himself for the Lord all the year round, did not gain peace but instead got cardia cancer. So many people fasted and prayed for him, but it didn’t help. The brothers and sisters felt puzzled, and I was also downhearted, not knowing what that was all about. However, I still forced myself to grin and bear it. On the one hand, I was afraid of being deceived; on the other hand, I was afraid of losing the position of “instructor.” I thought to myself, “It’s really not easy for me to get the position of instructor. Surely I must ‘cherish’ it!” So, in order to preserve my position, I did the work of resisting God over and over again to pander to my leader so that I could gain his trust and special favor.

One day in early June of 2001, I went to Yima City of my native province to preach the way of discernment to the brothers and sisters. Unexpectedly, one of the relatives of the host family came. After the introduction, I knew that he was also a believer in Jesus. So, we began to fellowship with each other. During the fellowship, I found that the light the brother had received was much greater than mine and that he had his own views on the Bible, so I admired him from the bottom of my heart. Yet as an instructor, how could I bow my head before others? Later, when we spoke of Paul, the brother said, “Paul is one for us to imitate. He had suffered many hardships and had run many miles for the Lord. His thirteen letters are very beneficial to the brothers’ and sisters’ experience of life. However, in his letters, there are also things which are not after the Lord’s heart. For example, he said, ‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness…’ (2 Timothy 4:7-8). These words spoke out his intents and purposes in working for the Lord. The efforts he expended were to barter with God. Such a viewpoint of pursuing and such knowledge are not after God’s heart….” Before he had finished his words, I retorted immediately, “How dare you belittle Paul? If it had not been for Paul’s preaching, how could we have our today? Paul is one for us to imitate and is a model for us to follow in preaching the gospel. If people believe in Jesus not to gain something, is there any meaning in such belief? Who will still believe?” Then I pointed my finger at him and said, “You dare condemn Paul, isn’t this arrogance? Paul had suffered so many hardships and had received so many lashes for the Lord! Have you suffered any? Paul could say those words boldly, can you?” I got so excited that even my complexion changed, and I glowered at him as if I was about to quarrel with him at any time. But that brother didn’t get angry at all. He only said gently, “Sister, don’t be angry. Let’s take our time talking about it. Here! Have a glass of water.” I didn’t even give him a look, but he didn’t mind it at all. He continued, “Even though Paul had suffered a lot for the Lord, as a created being, he should…” I stopped him again, “As the instructor of the Great Praise Church in Lingbao City, I know much more than you. I read The Intensive Study of the Bible, The Bible with Commentaries, and Jia Yuming’s Essentials every day. Is there anything that I don’t know? Just drop it!” “Yes, what I know is too limited, but I’m willing to discuss this subject with brothers and sisters,” he still said gently. At that time, I thought, “I treat him in such a way, yet he doesn’t get angry at all. Instead, he is so gentle, humble, sober, and natural. He is a preacher; am I not a preacher? But I am so impatient and even forget myself when encountering things. Why is that? …” “Sister, why are you silent? What are you thinking?” asked the brother. I hesitated a moment and then said, “Nothing, please go on.” Afterward, through his dissection of Paul’s viewpoint of pursuing, I understood a truth: It’s only right for a created being to worship God. He should not harbor his own intents and purposes, and even less should he barter with God for blessings by taking his sufferings as the capital. That was what I had never heard before. I felt his fellowship was so good and so high.